Random

Tonight as I'm trying to get donovan to go to bed so that he'll feel rested for his first day of kindergarten, I feel overwhelmed for him. And hope that he'll have enough sleep so that he can be a nice little boy for his teacher. Kaleah and him are giggling up a storm, but no matter how upset I get, it won't help the situation. That has been my battle forever and always, keeping my emotions in check even when the children are pressing my buttons. When I visited Cedar City a month or two ago, i watched Toni Dee in awe as she never exploded in anger. I truly saw the difference when you can just hold your tongue and handle things calmly.It really makes my kids act better when I can hold to this rule.

Also, in order to create peace in our house, we have re-commited to family scripture reading, and I can already feel the difference. The spirit that dwells in our home is so much stronger and I appreciate the extra help especially in those times when I need to keep my patience and it also helps the kids to have more peace and not be so raty!!

On another note, completely random but, for the most part I do well in dealing with my sister being gone. There are those moments however that those emotions come in waves and it gets set off usually by something completely unrelated or a song that comes on the radio, but the emotions come. Its hard not to try and just stuff them back down because I know that in feeling the pain healing will come from it. At times I miss her so much, that my heart aches to the point where I can't stand it. She was my second mother, and that fact can't be ignored. To be honest I have no desire to even go to emery county where she lived. Being in her house without her is a cruel awakening that she's gone and I just rather ignore that fact and try and stay in my world away from the reality of Rodney and the girls every day life. I don't know how they do it, my first initial reaction is to run, run away from the pain and if I were them I would move away. I hate being reminded of what's not there. Although, staying there provides them with the support of the community that knew Cassie so well and they can lend a helping hand to them. SO I guess it's good. It would mean the world to me if eveyone kept them in your prayers. They need them more than ever right now. Thanks guys. :)